the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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