I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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