Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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