I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
