i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
