Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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