Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
