Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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