Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
