this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Randomize
