what day is it and did you see me today?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
