Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
