I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
