I wannas sexs uuuuu
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
