im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
