i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
