I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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