btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
