Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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