you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
