I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize