dude i'm inner monologue high
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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