i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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