The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
