Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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