Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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