Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
