So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
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thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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