Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
