Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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