Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
