**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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