i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
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I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.