I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.