My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"