I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
