I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
