I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
