But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
