"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
