Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
