is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
