I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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