so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
