I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
