my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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