Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
