Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
