Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Sorry my hands just texted you
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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