He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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