So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When are your genitals available?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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