i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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