you guys were way drunker than both of me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
