he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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