doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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