Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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