They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
