1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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