i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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