I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
