Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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