Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
