we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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