matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
