where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
