Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dick very happy bro
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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