I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
