I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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