i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
