I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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