i jhust puked up my retainher.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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