thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
