Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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