I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm both gender and math confused
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
