I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
