Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
