Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
