Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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