I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
