jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
