Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
