I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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